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09 June 2006 @ 09:06 pm
'Let Not Your Heart Be Tribbled'  
A little ficlet featuring Methos, Joe, and Duncan, in a bar. I suppose that technically, it's a crossover, but pretty much if you know what a Tribble is, you're set :)

I had fun writing it, so I hope you have fun reading it!

Let Not Your Heart Be Tribbled

“What is it?” Methos drew back from the trilling pillow of fur sitting in Duncan’s palm, the expression on his face a study in distaste.

Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod looked down at the creature with an almost beatific gaze. “It’s a tribble.”

“A what?” Joe Dawson asked, his nose wrinkling as if he smelled something particularly foul.

“A tribble,” he said once more.

“We got that part,” Methos said with a note of long suffering patience. “But what is it?”

He glanced up at his companions, finally noticing that they weren’t quite as enraptured as he was. “It’s…“ He paused, searching for the words. Finally, with a look of triumph, he said, “It’s the only love money can buy!”

Methos coughed in mid-swallow of the rather excellent Aldebaran ale that the bar here on Deep Space Station K-7 served. “Oh, I don’t know. I think you could buy rather a lot of love from your friend over there.” He nodded towards a gray skinned humanoid female – her metallic leotard revealing more skin than there was fabric -- who had been eyeing the Highlander with lascivious interest since they’d first sat down. Joe snorted, shaking his head.

The other man pouted. “Very funny.”

“Oh, I thought so,“ Methos replied, grinning broadly.

He thrust the furry creature at Methos, who held up his hands as if warding off some threat. “Leave off, MacLeod!” he protested, looking at the tribble as if it was a naked blade at his throat.

“Just pet it,” he insisted, his dark brown doe eyes pleading.

Shaking his head in disgust, Methos finally complied, reaching one finger tentatively towards the trilling ball of fur. As he touched it, the timbre of the trilling deepened. He pulled his hand back, looking at the creature suspiciously. “There, I touched it. Now make it go away,” he commanded, grimacing.

“You can’t tell me that you don’t find it soothing,” he protested, his expression one of hurt disbelief.

“Soothing? It sounds like a tiny phaser on overload, and it looks like a pile of dust that you pulled out from under your bed!”

“Dust bunny,” Joe supplied helpfully.

“Yes! Dust bunny!” Methos nodded emphatically. “That… dust bunny, is the most annoying thing I’ve come across in several thousand years. Why, it’s more annoying than that time in Sumaria when I…”

“I get the idea!” Duncan interrupted quickly, warding off yet another one of the ancient Immortal’s stories of millennia past. “Well, I think it’s lovely,” he said softly. The trilling little alien creature he held in his hand once more had him entranced. The feeling seemed to be mutual as the purring sound that it made escalated.

His friends looked at each other, rolling their eyes.

“I thought it would be a nice present for Triona,” Duncan explained absently, not really paying attention to them.

“You are not giving that thing to her!” Methos protested vehemently, sitting up straight in his chair.

“Not me!” He looked at Methos as if he were a little slow. “A present from you. You need to bring back something nice after a trip halfway across the galaxy to let her know you missed her. And she’d love this tribble, I know she would.”

Raising his eyebrows, he took a sip of his ale before saying, “Believe me, Mac, she won’t need any sort of gift for her to know I missed her.”

This time it was Joe who choked on his Klingon Blood Wine. “You are one smug bastard, old man.” Methos just smirked, taking another swallow of his ale.

“Oh come on! Joe,” he turned his attention to the other man, “you can’t tell me that you don’t think it’s perfect!”

Joe sighed. “It stinks, Mac,” he pronounced.


“I mean, it smells!”

“Smells?” The Highlander sniffed the tribble gingerly. “What are you talking about?”

“It’s putrid!” he exclaimed. “This vampire nose knows a foul odor when he smells it – and believe me, Triona will not like it anymore than I do!”

Duncan’s pout had turned into full-blown kicked puppy face. “It doesn’t!”

Methos exhaled sharply. “If you want one so badly, then buy it!”

He looked at the other men defensively. “I don’t want one! I just thought Triona would like it, that’s all.”

“What? Too macho to admit you want one for yourself?”

“Macho? Does anyone use that word in the twenty-third century?” Joe asked Methos shaking his head in amusement.

“Fine!” he snapped. “Then get it for Amanda!”

Duncan looked distressed. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

Joe nodded. “Yeah, I agree. Remember what happened when she brought home that Spotted Kervanan from Altos IV?”

“Oh! Right… well, maybe a pet for Amanda isn’t such a great idea,” Methos agreed, remembering. All three men looked at the tribble.

Duncan began to speak, but the arrival of a portly man at their table interrupted him. “Please excuse me, gentlemen, but I need my sample back!” he said in a sing song voice. “The lovely lady at the bar has expressed an interest, I’m sure you understand!” Quicker than the eye could follow, he plucked the tribble from Duncan’s hand and headed back to the bar where a beautiful Starfleet officer stood. Mac’s mouth hung open, watching as his tribble was handed to her.

Grinning, Joe looked at Duncan and Methos. “So I wonder if they still sell souvenir t-shirts in the gift shop this century?”


Note: this is a story in the Bloodties Series. The rest can be found on my archive, and the most recent ones here on my LJ

Thanks for reading!

: hopefulhopeful
Music Box: Kaboom - Ursula 1000
captnofmyheartcaptnofmyheart on June 10th, 2006 04:22 am (UTC)
I LOVED IT - I could so see this scene, especially hear Duncan grouse about it.

Triona and Amanda will never know how narrowly they escaped!!! LOL
Ith: Wildwoodithildyn on June 10th, 2006 04:31 am (UTC)
Wow! That was fast!

I'm glad you enjoyed it :) I never think I write 'light' well.
enchantersnightenchantersnight on June 10th, 2006 08:02 am (UTC)
Ah tribbles my favourite :)

I was just waiting for one of them to turn out to be Klingon!

V funny, could totally see them all snarking at each other.
Ith: yoda guyithildyn on June 10th, 2006 08:04 am (UTC)
I'm glad you enjoyed it! It amused the heck out of me when it first came to me this afternoon.
Amy H. Sturgis: Joe Dawson/ watchingeldritchhobbit on June 10th, 2006 01:12 pm (UTC)
LOL! This is so much fun. I can just see it happening. For some reason, the dust bunny image set me off in particular giggles. Good to know Duncan still has the kicked puppy pout going in the far future. :)
Ith: yoda guyithildyn on June 10th, 2006 06:22 pm (UTC)
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. I tend to angst when I'm not writing angst -- go figure -- so I'm glad it made you giggle.
Sophie: Methos5sophiedb on June 10th, 2006 10:01 pm (UTC)
Duncan/tribble OTP? :)

I love Methos' smugness too *cackle*
Ith: yoda guyithildyn on June 10th, 2006 10:10 pm (UTC)
Duncan/tribble OTP?

[cough] [gasp] [choke] Brings a whole new meaning to '/' !

I just read your comment to Nin and said I wish I could manip stuff, cus an icon of Duncan holding a tribble...

Glad you enjoyed it, and thanks for the insane giggles!

Laurie odell: methoswhatcyberducks on June 10th, 2006 10:18 pm (UTC)
See, this proves my theory that you can pair Methos with anyone or anything.....even a Tribble! Imagining Methos' facial expression upon having to deal with the little critter is very amusing. Thank you!
Ith: Shy Girlithildyn on June 10th, 2006 10:46 pm (UTC)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! All these nice comments are making me all warm and tingly :) Thank you for commenting!
Full Circlesteelvictory on June 11th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC)
That's great!!

So where are Sisko, Dax, and Worf in the background? *grin*
Ith: Methos Blueithildyn on June 11th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
Intones "We do not speak of it." [Worf voice off] [g]

Glad you enjoyed it!
I will call her George: Duncan and Methosstrangevisitor7 on January 3rd, 2008 02:12 pm (UTC)
LOL! wondering around your archive. Adorable. Everyone needs a Tribble!
Ithithildyn on January 3rd, 2008 06:29 pm (UTC)
I'm fond of this one :) Glad you enjoyed it!
ib_ratstruckib_ratstruck on March 24th, 2008 12:20 am (UTC)
This was too cute! I can hear Methos' distaste. But the mention of Duncan's dark brown doe eyes just about did me in ... (even though they are!)
And I can so see Joe Dawson drinking Klingon Blood Wine!
And to this day, the Tribbles ep is my favorite Classic Trek ep. Thanks for pointing the way to this fic in your recent entry!
Ith: Methos - Easily Amusedithildyn on March 24th, 2008 12:25 am (UTC)
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! It's one of my sentimental favourites :)

xenaclonexenaclone on June 22nd, 2008 07:27 pm (UTC)
bewizeficwize on September 3rd, 2008 08:01 pm (UTC)
Heee. I love tribbles. I want one. *thoughtful*
Ith: Taste - Taste of Summerithildyn on September 3rd, 2008 11:07 pm (UTC)
I want one too!

Thanks for reading :)